It's been a while since the last time I had a blog. Yahoo!360 and the memory of Uyên that and the short-lived I-don't-know-what-to-name relation between me and her. Strange, hah? The way people get to know one another in this era. Chatting, commenting, status updating, boasting and spilling showy thoughts on Facebook. Really, these technologies define how people NOT communicating these days. But it may be what suits me.
It's nerve-wrenching to talk to a person face to face. 10 minutes at Tan Son Nhat airport with Vy and all the jokes and whatever pranks that I want to put up just evaporated the moment I saw her. Not that pretty as I imagined, a bit chubby (if I really mean it in a positive way). Her sound was still the same as before, lower than mine. And her voice seems to bear more that Southern tone. Argh, whatever, people can choose their own favored lifestyle. Somehow, I tend to drive our conversation towards talking about Da Nang, trying to make her love it, I guess? Hah, I don't know why I do that. It may just irritate her sooner or later. I just feel a bit strange and amused when I heard her voice when I called her during Tet.
Seriously, writing in English about myself, about Da Nang, about my friends seems so silly. Just like what those dumb people are trying to show off their English (however limited and flawed it is) on Facebook. I guess it's quite ok here since I'm writing this for myself to read only. And a way to consolidate my English skills. I really think I should try harder to get an A grade for GP.
That US application has made me think about my 19 years on Earth more often. It's like trying to look in to the haphazard drawers of my memory and try to pick out the weirdest and the most original stuffs to sell. This process has also made me think more about what I have done in my life. Especially these last 2 years have seemed to passed so fast. With all the slow motions of my life before coming to Singapore, these last 4 years look like a racing car rushed past me. A feeling of being lost, regret and bitterness (shame?).
It's not like I'm not fine with my life here. It has been ok, I think. It's just now and then there are stuffs, there are memories that I'm reminded of that really makes my heart sink. Jie Liang got Silver for IPho. That forever-gone dream. Somehow I felt like it was stolen away from me. This morning when I heard that news, I felt like putting the blame on the RI time again - not being in RA, all the struggles with English, all the nonsenses that I have wasted my time for.
Argh, really, I really think that I'm just stupid. Everything I did in my life got some meaning, right? Something to learn, no matter what. Those 2 years have really been a troubled period with all the mood swings and emotional surges. All the stupid things that I have tried (I just recalled a time when I'm obsessed with the atmosphere in the Central Library, where I used to go to now and then during weekend), they have really taught me something.
I don't like weekend. I prefer the routine I have during the weekdays recently. Going to school, stay back in the library, going back to have dinner at 6, change, go to library again, stay until 10, go back to the study room, study until 1 plus. It's routinely, it's fixed, and it's tiring. That's what I like. Less time to think.
I think less about Hanh these days. I wonder what she is doing at home with that Van. I don't know. The feelings for her have seemed to recede now and then since I knew she's attached. Close friends we are, she thinks. I don't know. Whenever I go home and see her, my hear races up again. And it was truly peaceful and tranquil the times when I take her out on the motorbike.
How about Vy? I don't know whether this is what they call a guy-slut. Not like I'm attached to either of them. And Vy's updates on fb are quite intriguing. Who's the person she was talking about?
Better stop here.
Draw for a while.
I hope I will not get so excited later on and go play soccer. I need to clock more study time. Really. Where will I be next year?
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