Prelims is ending

Oh dear, what an interesting period. People seem to start churning out complaints/shoutings/bitchings all over facebook during this period. They said they are fine, they don't care what they get, they don't care that they will fail. But apparently, their tone and what they said reflected the opposite.

There are so much trauma, so much anxiety, so much hatred going around. And I wonder how about myself?

I will stay my usual neutral stance on Facebook - Don't ask, don't tell - I love that phrase.

Many of the foreign students here have been telling me that I seem to be so relaxed with the test papers because I'm much more capable than them. They keep banking on the idea that RJC is an elite world where "the second winner is a loser". That, in a sense, reflects the high standard expected in RI. We international students, many fed before coming to Singapore with the idea that we can excel easily here, just like the so many successful stories told on the newspaper at home. So it was quite a shock for many of us, 15 years old callow youths, without much guidance from anyone in such matter and further cocooned by the teachers when we first came to Singapore, to realize how far we are from our dreams. It is so easy to feel timid here, and like some of my friends, they gave up striving all together, saying that their ability is insufficient to achieve anything outstanding. It has never been true that I'm care-free and feel relaxed in the face of a major exam. Indeed, I'm highly anxious and worried during the pre-exam period.

The difference between me and many of my friends is that I try to tune my action with what I think. It's so easy to give up, but it's harder to find a reason to carry on. Many foreign students, much more capable, much brighter than me when they first came, have let their talents wasted , either because of having no reason to discipline themselves or because of early failures and difficulties. The most disappointing are those who actually think they have wasted their four years of their life in Singapore. I'm fortunate than my friends that I have somehow drawn much resilience against such negative sentiments to carry myself forward. It's even more fortunate that I have found a reason for myself to carry on. I'm not the top student of the school whatsoever, I may not belong to the top-notch of the school's cohort. Nonetheless, there has always been the urge for me to strive. It may not have been obvious all the time, but it has always been there to push me forward. Only recently I realized how important it is and how much I want to reach that goal.